Jb
“The Dodgers moved once. And they’re moving again, this time to Boynton Beach, to honor the memory of that other Brooklyn-born phenom, Joey ‘Lox, Stock and Bagel’ Lerner.”–Vin Scully
“I’ve worked with all the great diplomats of this generation – Dag Hammarskjold, Ralph Bunche, John Foster Dulles, myself, of course. But Joe Lerner is the only person I knew who could have brokered peace in the Middle East and between Nicki Manaj and Mariah Carey.” –Henry Kissinger
“Not bad – for a white guy.” – Kanye West
“Everyone talks about the selflessness of Mother Teresa. Feeding the hungry, tending the sick – frankly, it’s like listening to a broken record. But Joseph Jerome? Now there was a saint.” – Pope Francis
“After I conquer space, fill the world with electric vehicles and provide low-cost solar energy for the masses, I plan to embark on my greatest challenge – to design a navigation system that even Joe Lerner could have operated.” – Elon Musk
“Hil’s biggest mistake in 2016? Not hiring Joe Lerner as her campaign manager.” – Bill Clinton
“Not bad – for a guy.” – Caitlyn Jenner
“Everybody always asks me, ‘Who was the inspiration for Indiana Jones?’ And, of course, it was Joe Lerner. Except that I had to tone down the character in the movie to make him more believable.” – Steven Spielberg
“As a follow-up to Hamilton, my next Broadway show is going to be a bebop musical. Lerner traces the life of a simple shirtmaker’s son who goes on to tickle the ivories with the likes of Dizzy Gillespie and Charlie Parker.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
“What I’ll always remember about Joey was the morning he shot a 62 without ever once using his driver. Of course, that was on the front nine.” – Jack Nicklaus
“Not bad – for a Jew.” – Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei of Iran
“Few people know this, but it was Velourit that put Vogue on the fashion map. When we put Audrey Hepburn on the cover in a Christian Dior wedding dress, no one had ever used flocked material for anything but curtains before. The dress sold out, and so did that issue.” – Anna Wintour
“Was there anyone better at weaving in and out of Manhattan traffic during Friday rush hour? Man, it was incredible. The guy never touched the brakes.” – Mario Andretti
“It’s a gripping tale of ambition, determination, dedication, ingenuity, innovation and the occasional bounced check: Joe Lerner and the Velourit Corporation!” – David McCullough
“Not bad – for an old geezer.” – Justin Bieber
“I desperately wanted Joey to play mixed doubles with me at Wimbledon, but he chose a different partner – Isabel Isaacs, stoop ball champion of Hart Street.” – Billie Jean King
“I was voted People magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive” two times, but if you ask me, Joe was always the classiest.” – George Clooney
“I’m redesigning the Guggenheim Bilbao as a monument to Joe Lerner because titanium is so five minutes ago. The plan is to get Christo to wrap the place in a hundred miles of flocked fabric.” – Frank Gehry
“Not bad – for a short guy.” – LeBron James
“Joe Lerner was a model for us all. He lived his best life!” – Oprah Winfrey